Being a Wife and Mommy

This morning as I was reading some wonderful blogs from women who are open and honest about being a wife and mother, it made me think, "what a wonderful way to encourage others!" So, it inspired me this morning to write a little something about being a wife and mommy (maybe this will or won't be encouraging to the very few readers of our blog....but, maybe it will be for Hannah some day?).
Nathan and I have had many conversations over the past 6 months (Hannah will be 6 months on Monday, wow!!)--concerning holiness, or I guess I should lack thereof. I have consistently started most of my conversations with "I feel like....." this or that. Most of the time it ends with "....I am sooo unholy, what is wrong with me?? Does the Holy Spirit just refuse to work in my life??? Who am I these days?? This isn't who I want Hannah to grow up to be like!!! When did I become such a selfish person?" Well, to be honest--I have always been on the selfish side, ESPECIALLY before I became a believer in Christ. But, when I became a Christian I felt like a new person (b/c I was and am), like all my selfishness was put away for good...aaaah, how refreshing that felt! But, I was also single and had only my daily needs to be concerned about. When I became a wife, however, I saw that I was still very much a selfish person. THEN, came my sweet and precious Hannah---wow, am I ever seeing trully how selfish I am! As Nathan and I discussed my feelings of overwhelming sinfulness I came to realize that I'm beginning to see more clearly that the Holy Spirit really is working in my life and it is a painful process. The scripture often refers to a refining fire--well, if I want to be refined (have all the dirty, awful selfish things in my life stripped from me) then there has to be fire (testing/trials). Some of the trials in my life are small (I should actually say most of them are small) but somtimes they feel so big and overwhelming. I have a tendency to compare myself with other moms and wives and think to myself, "wow, they have it all together." But, recently as I read one woman's blog, whom I was convinced was perfect, I was relieved when she put out a post that confessed her weaknesses. They were the same as mine and oh how wonderful it felt to be finally like her---imperfect! I'm just a mom and wife struggling to want to be the best, most godly, righteous woman I can be for my husband and daughter. I know there are other women out there who struggle like me--and in a way it is refreshing to know that I'm not alone in this Holy struggle. A friend of ours once used this illustration for church planting (but I think it applies to being a wife and mother)--a baby chicken that is taken out of it's shell by someone else is weak, but a baby chicken that has to struggle and work to break out of it's shell is strong and ready to face the world. I'm thankful that I'm having to work at being a mom and wife--the struggle will make me stronger. And I'm can be encouraged by God's Word, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness....so because of Christ I am pleased in weaknesses, insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I am also so thankful for the openness of friends around me (I guess I should say on this side of the world, so they're really not around me). One friend of mine has been honest about being afraid to go out with her baby girl--afraid that she will cry in public. I also have this same fear--so it was a relief to hear her honesty in dealing with this. I have one friend who has twins--and her honesty in how she sometimes struggles or feels tired brought comfort to me--b/c I also deal with being tired. She is a strong woman and I feel as though she is close to perfect--so, her confession of weakness helped me. I also have one friend who has been through the most difficult of all trials--the loss of her little precious baby girl. Her openness and honesty concerning her loss, her holiness, her feelings, her hurts---has been more of a blessing to me than I will ever be able to express. I am encouraged and thankful for the blessing of openness in each of these women--and all I can say is I believe this is what God intended, for us to share in each others weaknesses and trials and to carry each others burdens. Praise the Lord for women like these--they are women who are helping me to be a better wife and mother. Thanks girls!